Today, I'm going to step away from my usual misanthropic/jaded self and focus my powers on laughing at Hollywood. Here we go...

What the bloody heck is up with Paris Hilton getting "reassigned" to her mansion from jail. I say jail because I know the difference between jail and prison (I have my degree in criminal justice if you must know). They say it is for 'medical reasons,' but come on! If that was any Average Joe or Average Joan, there would be no option for 'reassignment.' Then again, this is Hollywood we're talking about really.

I can't believe anything like this would happen. Anyone else would have just been sent to another jail. Not a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. I wonder if there is reassignment in Hell. I can see that conversation now...

-New Hell Arrival-

"Yes. I, um, think I don't like the heat here in hell. I seem to have painful searing flesh. Is there anyplace cooler I could be reassigned to due to medical condition?"

-Satan's Minion-

"I'm sorry to hear that you don't like the conditions. I also apologise for your pain. Yes, we could send your soul back to earth, but you will be bound to your home for eternity."

-New Hell Arrival-

"Thank you. I don't mind being homebound. I have millions in dollars from being Satan's bitch for all those years. I'll be fine. Thanks again!"

Yeah, okay. Paris gets to be bound to her mansion, and the rest of the world gets to sigh. Oh, what joy! Oh, what justice!