Fog of the Soul

I've searched for you.

I've searched for you in the friendly smiles at the Roman flower shop.
And I've searched for you in the passing pleasantries at the Parisian cafe.
On the streets of London I've searched for your glance, your acknowledgement.
We've never met yet you hold me, keep me; without touch, without chains.
I whisper to the rising sun, "Today you will free me to breathe once again."
But I fear that all my searching is in vain; invalid fantasies made untrue.

I have never gazed into your destiny, but I know that you search for me.
From behind the pages of your favourite novel, I wait.
I have never shared your aphotic secrets, but I know that you search for me.
From within the flickering frames of your favourite film, I wait.
I have never witnessed you whisper "Save me," but I know that you search for me.
From the melodic voices that carry your desire, I wait.

Please, oh please be reality. Be more than the facade that erects dishonesty.
Rescue me from Cupid's gallow, poised to sever our connection.
Will a promise of forever bring you now?
Can we erase the past, steady the present and build the future, together?
Here I am. Freefalling. Tumbling into you.

I am waiting for you.

And...

I search for you.

The Mindsay Ninja has returned. I took some time to get some things sorted in my life. Now, with a clear head, I return to post some thoughts. Hopefully, I haven't totally lost the small audience I once held.

 

To begin with, there have been questions in my head that I wanted to get sorted for myself about myself. I often avoid the topic of politics as I have mostly hated politics in general. Then, I had quite the epiphany. I am now officially a citizen in a country that offers me the right to have just that, rights of all kinds. Someone asked me the other day what political party I stood behind in this the American democracy as a Briton. It then hit me, America isn't exactly a democracy. It's more of a Constitutional Republic. Think about it. The US Pledge of Allegiance doesn't even have the word "democracy" in it, nor does the Constitution itself. Does that mean something?

 

I recently had one of those really broody days and rented a bunch of films to watch alone. Most of them were some of my classic favs like "East of Eden," "The Omen: Part 2" and "Rebel Without a Cause." This started a whole new set of questions. Why exactly is it that we love older films moreso than today? To me, todays films seem to lack that "X Factor" of some sort. With actors a dime-a-dozen, it seems we should have some wonderful films out there. Don't get me wrong, there are good films, but nothing that holds a tea cozy to films of the past. Do we as a society today have a different view what makes a film? Have we changed that much from our ancestors? Or has technology completely changed us as a whole.

 

Music has also become quite the release for me lately. I found two bands that I never knew existed until recently. One is Jared Leto's band 30 Seconds To Mars. Normally, I would toss off this type of band, but the song "Was it a Dream" really struck me. The lyrics and music are simple, but the vocals and the meaning behind them really hit hard for me. Check them out here: 30 Seconds To Mars. The other band, which I can't tell if they are still together is K's Choice. If you like the "deep" kind of lyrics with ethereal voices and hypnotic music, this is a just the band for that. It felt as if Sarah Bettens voice could take everything I ever felt and express it exactly the way I wish I could. For a definite insight into what the band has to offer, check out the song "Virgin State of Mind." For more on the band, though I think the site isn't updated or hasn't been for about 2 years, click over to their site, K's Choice.

 

Keep it Zen

I take the steps that echo the strides of my father. His words whisper on the wind as I trudge ahead in adulthood. But he is my father no more.

 

The actuality of my being has turned his gaze westward for the last. No longer the stalwart structure, our communication has become distant fights and awkward dinners. I stand alone like never before.

 

Lacking the pain I once carried, I found that solitude is as strong as unity. Forging a path through hatred and fear, I shall stand tall. There is not one that will change the jigsaw that is me. I will soar!

Okay. I've had it! I have had these things on my mind for quite a while now, and I'm going to unleash this wave of... this wave of... I don't even know what to call this other than rubbish that is brewing in my brain.

 

(WARNING: The following rant may contain strong language, adult content, and overall aggressive anger. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!)

 

To start with, why in the bloody hell would anyone think it a good idea to protest at a soldier's funeral? Sod that. Why in the bloody hell would ANYONE think it a good idea to protest at a funeral!??! I'm glad Mr. Albert Snyder won almost $11 million from the Westboro Baptist Church for protesting at his son's funeral. Just how disgusting can people be? It makes no sense. Matthew Snyder's family, nor Matthew Snyder had anything to do with that group or what they protested about!

 

You know what? I wish God (and I say this as an Agnostic), would open up the heavens and say, "I have put you all on this earth with a purpose. Love each other unconditionally, or you shall know my wrath." But, I know that will NEVER happen.

 

Next, what's the bloody deal with people not wanting gays in the military? What does it bloody matter!!??!! The funny part is that if there is a draft, I bet not one soul could get out of a draft by admitting they are gay. NO! They would be shipped out or deployed just like everyone else. What the bloody hell does it matter what sex a person loves while they are in the military. Why does anyone give a shite!??!

 

This week, a police officer was killed here in Philadelphia just because he walked in on a robbery in progress. The thing that makes it worse is the fact that the would-be robber DIDN'T EVEN GET ANY MONEY! Not only that, it was done in broad daylight, with people all around yet no one has come forward with information. It amazes me just how much people hate the police, but let any one of those people be in need of law enforcement. Oh then, they are calling and crying for police then! "Help! Help!"

 

A robbery in the middle of day with a police station just blocks away, and NOT ONE PERSON HAS INFORMATION!!??!! What-the-bloody-hell-ever! What is with people? Is society so self involved that we are slowly devolving?

 

Why? Just, why?

Between every sunrise and sunset, an oath is taken by young men and women with the stars and stripes backdrop.

 

They swear to defend and protect all that is American from all enemies foreign and domestic. Then comes the line they sign; not just to do a job, but to give their very lives to keep our society on top.

 

Boot camp, Basic Training, or Indoctrination, call it what you will, from the next few months they will experience true hell. A hell that you and I can or could never understand. They will change physically and mentally into a fighter; into a Soldier. They are made into something more.

 

While this happens, I order my coffee, complain about celebrities and daydream of better days. Not once do I think of the people that have volunteered their lives for me or the war they prepare for, or even the war they currently stand and fight. No, I just complain and whine about not being paid enough for my daily duties. But this I realise and offer you, my defenders, from my very core...

 

For those that give so much, lives, freedoms and luxuries of home, I take an oath in you. I swear to defend your generosity, patriotism and determination. Be there enemies, foreign or domestic, that defame or disgrace your honour and courage, I will be the last one standing, to last breath, I will appreciate what you do, calling to every ear the heroes that you are. For you truly are heroes that deserve not only respect, but universal appreciation.